Friendships with individuals experiencing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be complex and often follow a cyclical pattern characterized by distinct phases. Here’s an overview of the BPD friendship cycle:
- Idealization:
This phase marks the beginning of the friendship. The individual with BPD may feel an intense connection and quickly idealize their new friend, perceiving them as perfect, understanding, and someone who can meet all their emotional needs.
This idealization can lead to rapid emotional bonding, with the individual showering their friend with attention, affection, and loyalty.
- Devaluation:
Over time, the idealization begins to crack. The individual with BPD may become hyper-sensitive to their friend’s perceived flaws or any perceived withdrawal. This can trigger feelings of disappointment, anger, and even betrayal.
The individual may start questioning the friend’s commitment and loyalty, engaging in arguments, criticism, or even accusations.
- Fear of Abandonment and Clinging:
This phase is driven by the individual’s intense fear of abandonment, which is a core symptom of BPD.
They may become clingy and possessive, constantly seeking reassurance and validation from their friend. This behavior can stem from a desperate need to avoid being left alone.
- Pushing Away and Anger:
The intense emotions and clingy behavior can become overwhelming for both parties. This can lead the individual with BPD to push their friend away, fearing rejection or getting too close.
This pushing away can manifest in various ways, like canceling plans, withdrawing emotionally, or even resorting to anger and hostility.
- Resolution and Reconciliation:
After pushing their friend away, the individual with BPD may experience intense feelings of regret and loneliness. This can lead them to attempt reconciliation and re-establish the connection.
They may apologize for their behavior, express their desire to remain friends, and potentially re-idealize their friends, starting the cycle anew.
It’s crucial to remember:
This cycle is not always linear and can vary in intensity and duration depending on the individuals involved and the specific dynamics of the friendship. Not everyone with BPD will exhibit this cycle in their relationships, and friendships can be healthy and fulfilling even with the presence of BPD.